hun manushya chun..

Since last few days things have been going in in my mind which I finally could take out in form of the following words...

હું શ્વાસ લઉં છું... હું મનુષ્ય છું
જન્મતાંજ રડુ છું.... કે રડતાં જન્મું છું.!..
નિષ્કપટ પ્રેમમાં ઊછરૂં છું. . . સંસ્કાર પામું છું
કપટ ને વિક્રુતિઓ ક્યાંથી મેળવું છું?
હું ક્રુતજ્ઞી છું
હું ક્રુતઘ્ની છું
હું સંતોષ છું
હું ઈર્ષા છું
હું ગીતા નો અભ્યાસી છું. . . પોતના નેજ હણું છું
હું સ્વર છું... સંગીત છું
હું પ્રેરણા છું... હતાશા છું
હું માંદગી છું... દવા છું
હુંજ બંદગી છું... દુઆ છું
હું અનૂભવ છું
હું સમાનાર્થ છું... વિરોધ છું
હું ક્રાંતિ છું... ચળવળ છું
હું કર્તા છું... વિનાશ છું
હું સર્જના છું... સ્મશાન છું
હું ગુન્હેગાર છું... મૂનસીબ છું
હું સુઃખ પામવા....દુઃખી છું
હું ધિક્કાર નો મહાસાગર છું
હું લાગણિઓ ની ઓટ છું
હું અપાર પ્રેમ છું
હું કરૂણા છું
હું દેવ છું... હુંજ વેદ છું. .
ઈચ્છું તો હુંજ ભગવાન છું. . .
પણ એક પ્રશ્ર્ન રોજ સતાવે છે. . . .
હું શ્વાસ લઉં છું . . હું મનુષ્ય છું ??

A simple hi....a small smile...difficult?

My wife Kruti often takes our 8 month old princess to the park and then sits on a bench just beside the main rod of our complex. She usually sits there in the morning at @ 0830 and on evenings @ 0600. Since its that time when everyone is either rushing to offices or coming back..or going for shopping/play etc....many cars zoom by and my daughter enjoys that.
Kruti often tells me about how the Americans (white and colored alike) smile, wave a hi or just acknowledge....irrespective of whether they know us or not ot if they like our presence or not...But when it comes to desis, they stare and zoom by...the ones who know us wave or say hi...but others just pass by as if ignoring....not that it makes any difference, but the same desis when pass by an American would wish them....
Isn't it discrimination within our own people for no apparent reason? Isn't it time we learnt a lesson or two on basic human etiquette from these firangs?

India wins Nehru Cup.....

...hello!!!! Its not some university Cricket tournament...its an international football tournament. India beat the much much higher ranked Syria 5-4 after a penalty shootout.
In a country obsessed by Cricket (I am also a cricket enthusiast) this was a welcome news...for once reported as headlines..even though for 15 minutes.
High time that we realise the potential we have in sports ther than Cricket. At least other sportspersons do take pride in playing for their country and not JUST earn in the name of playing for the country!!!!!

Nehru cup was not played for 10 years because of lack of sponsorship....hope someone will dole out some change for the most popular sport on the planet...so that it can flousih with new rich Indian talent...Amen!

I am not concerned that you have fallen..I am concerned that you arise

I have been resisting (successfully) from writing anything on the ongoing BJP

troubles, but the way everything is going I wanted to put my thoughts in

perspective...probably I can reflect back on them once the storm has died down.

2004....NDA loses the general elections to everybody's surprise..even to the

surprise of Congress. It was a loss..yes, but was manageable as the loss in seats

was not too much when compared to the results in 1999. It was mainly the loss of TDP and other regional allies that hurt the most. Vajpayee was an able leader and I'll curse my luck till I live that we did not have him as the PM again in 2004.
BJP coul not cope up with this defeat...
2009....Another general election and BJP lost it miserably. I am saying BJP and not NDA as this time BJP was the main loser. Its allies ofcourse lost but the percentage lost by BJP was higher.
The hidden volcanoes (or should I say the self-created-bloated-eog-volcanoes) erupted. Before I move further I must admit that it was wrong for Advani to continue as the Opposition leader. he should have taken responsibility and made way to the next generation. It would have sent ht right message to party cadres and would have also pressurised Rajnath to step down.
Ok...Jaswant and Jinnah, Yashwant and his big mouth etc....all this has happened. Jaswant was expelled..I regard him high for his abilities both as external affairs minister and finance minister. But his Jinnah book was not meant for Indian politics. The political(and read Media here too) cannot separate personal academic intersts and politics. He had to go and he was expelled...what caused the furore was that he was expelled by a leadership that itself had little moral authority to do so.
Yashwant has been 1 of the most opportune politicians...BJP would do good to rid him too...I would still keep Arun Shourie as he is an intelligent and well read man and has interest of the country and the party.

After all the hue and cry came Mohanrao Bhagwat. Mediamen pounced on him at a press conference in New Delhi. What role does RSS play here...what was RSS doing for BJP...like a pack on hungry wolves they pounced on him..but to his credit he didn't give anything to them and nor to the congress.

whatever happens now...I just want to keep Bhagwat in the picture. BJP leadership should have done what Bhagwat did all these years. The main problem with BJP is that there are too many mouths that want to speak and theya re eager to say what the media wants...gullible to an extent. Why not have designated people who are calm, composed and give out things only that they want to....let them assume whatever they want but dont blurt out whatever....

I am 100% confident that BJP is going to come out of this mess...leaner and stronger..with a more focussed leadership. Let Rajnath go into the shadows...let Advani guide as a mentor..he has been good at it and ma sure he will still be able to do it..after all I find his contribution bigger than Vajpayee's when it comes to building the party. Let someone like Jaitley, Swaraj, Shourie, Khanduri, Raman Singh, Shivraj, Modi take up the leadership....BUT with a goal to REbuild the party..
India needs a very strong opposition...specially with Congress ruling the country in a dangerous fashion. 5 years gives enough time to refocus...take each assembly election as the stepping stone...exepriment in the assembly elections...choose the right allies...play it alone in states where allies are not reliable...BJP has paid the price more because of the follies of its allies than because of itself (excpet in 2009). Build  base....in fact the base is already there...just bring confidence back into them. Let India be stronger with a strong party.

 

Note:

Subject line quote by Abraham Lincoln

My doll crawls now...

7+ months....can you believe it? Its been more than 7 months and my doll has learnt to crawl. She is teaching me to be happy in so very small things...and I am so glad that it is happening.

Last Saturday Kashti suddenly started to crawl. Kruti and I were overjoyed, we would just make her crawl again and again..try capture videos and photos..it was an amazing feeling.

Yes, I do feel sometimes that she is growing so fast and tell her "beta, dont grow up so fast..."..yes thats selfish of me, but can't help it.

Next step....when my baby starts taking baby steps... :)

When friends(?) turn conspirators

"Dost dost na raha...." remember that evergreen betrayal glorifying bollywood song..Raj Kapoor singing it with a sad face looking into the eyes of Rajendra Kumar?
Its been a few months now since I've been playing the Raj Kapoor and I can't even sing..unlike that Raj sand it for Vyjantimala while I've no issues on that part.

Perhaps I was never made out for the corporate world..should have been a teacher or a farmer or something else, but not in the corporate world. The way corporate friends hit u from behind....real hard....appendix pain would also be ashamed...This hit from behind doesnt even have a cure...try all you want to prevent but this virus is non-preventable.

Oh yeah..am back to whining..I know. Time I become really assertive...no..no...time I become really aggressive and just hit back..won't hit from the back for sure...but at least let me prepare myself to rid my life of "corporate friends"...life will be a lot better....Can't complain if I don't do something about it. Isn't it?

Kashti learns to sit!

Wow...what a weekend. Kashti started sitting on her own on saturday (25th July 2009). Kruti and I were so happy....proud at the same time. Last few days, we have been waiting to see Kashti try to crawl, sit..do something new. There were signs that she was trying to crawl but then suddenly she sprand this surprise...as if telling me "Don't think I'll do what you want/expect"..

Little joys...these....watching her 2 bunny teeth when she smiles...watching her sit again and again as if she is so proud of her achivement. Its amazing this feeling of watching you kid grow! Sometime you want to watch her grow every minute, sometimes you want the process to be slow so that you can enjoy everything again and again...its a dilemma...but then one can't fight progress, human or otherwise....best is to enjoy the progress and be happy.

Next step...wath her crawl happily .....and then walk.....and run...its gonna be fun for sure!

Happy with the progress..

Kashti is no longer used to sleeping only on our shoulders. Now she sleeps on the bed..of course she just doesn't doze off, she feels uneasy and cribs a little but then sleeps and yes..she needs someone in the room while she is trying to sleep....still it is ok as now we can do our chores while she sleeps on her own.
Great progress....

another thing I am happy about is that we started giving her stage 1 carrot and she loved it. It was fun watching her eat the first few spoons....she was like....what are you guys giving me? But then she ate it...almost the full cup. Today when I left from lunch, Kruti started with feeding her Peas and she was taking that nicely too..amd really glad and happy.

Hope her general growth continues and she remains a happy baby...I know she will. Touchwood........

Happy sad....

It was a happy...sad..proud...all in one feeling after I received Mummy's mail today.
Flashback....the background first....the Gandhinagar location of the company I work for celebrated its 10 years anniversary on 4th June. I've been with the lcoaiton for 8 years. I was asked by a senior to prepare a speech for the occasion that mentions about what I've seen as far as the struggle for the location and projects is concerned in my tenure. I jotted down all I felt, got the draft approved, rcorded in a speech and sent across. It was played during the celebration function and it was a proud thing for me.
Ihappened to mention this to Papa-Mummy and Pranav and Mummy asked me to send the speech to her which I did...

....back to today...
I got a mail from Mummy that they heard the speech taht I had sent. She wrote that Papa didn't utter a single word and in fact had tears in his eyes.
It might be a small thing that I gave a speech..even I didn't consider it big...but look at the way parents see it. For him it was like "my son has grown up..he has achieved so much...etc." They are so selfless.....even I got a little senti on reading that mail. I mean I know how my parents have suffered because of that torturous period that I gave them...when I didn't study well despite all their attempts....a period when I didn't care at all about my future...I did not know then how much stressed my parents were because of me.
And now when I completed my Masters on merit...scored good marks...got a good job and am doing reasonably well...they are so happy..so proud...Parents are so selfless.... I don't claim at all taht I have achieved everything...that I am a big shot etc....but my parents are happy that I am settled and am happy and that's what matters at the end of the day...at least for me!

My parents are doing such great job...they are helping people...they are active in things they like...they are still more energetic than I can even dream of...they are more enthusiastic in learning new things than even people of my age....God bless them and give them a long and healthy life. And I pray god give us 2 brothers the wisdom to take care of them and keep them happy always.....

can't write more.......

....ચાલશે (Gujarati)

નથી હવે કોઈ દવાની અસર,
દુઆ છે બસ....ચાલશે

તૂટ્યું ભલે ને દિલ આ,
જીવન તૂટક તૂટક....ચાલશે

મિત્ર ને મિત્રતા, ભ્રમ ને ભ્રામક્તા
ભલે આ બધું હો એકજ....ચાલશે

સંબંધો ના સાગર ની ઓટ માં
મળે એકાદ સ્વજન....ચાલશે

બંદગી થી ના મળ્યો ખુદા,ઠીક છે,
જનાજે ચડીને મળશે....ચાલશે

મતલબ થી ભરેલ દુનિયામાં
સ્વ નો અર્થ પામું, એટલો સ્વાર્થ....ચાલશે

Lynchburg Virginia

OK...so am back after a log time...contrary to my decision...nothing new here :)

Actually I got inspired by my brother’s blog (myindianlife.wordpress.com). He has been pretty regular in blogging… and his blogs are pretty interesting as well…quite diverse. I get a sense of his Bangalore life and that’s cool!

Let me write something on Lynchburg and some thoughts on my US trip this time….actually it’s not a trip….its an assignment for my job.

Lynchburg (http://www.lynchburgva.gov/) is also called Hill city. It is a city of 50 square miles located near the geographic center of the state, bordered by the eastern edge of the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains. It is located approximately 180 miles southwest of the nation's capital, Washington, D.C.

I came to Lynchburg with my 5 month pregnant wife in August 2008 for a long term assignment. I had been to US a few times before, in Jersey City, NJ and Houston, TX. I had a wonderful time in Jersey and so was excited for being back to US…but was disappointed during the first few days.

Comparisons with JC made me even sadder…..no worthwhile public transport, no big malls, not too many restaurants of my liking etc. But as we spent time at our Walden Pond apartment, I started liking the place.

It was like liking Porbandar in comparison to Amdavad. Lynchburg is small…my office is just 5 miles from home. I come home for lunch every day. I get to spend a lot more time with my family here and that’s what I always wanted.

I find the natives here are quite close-knit, may be not that welcoming to non-residents, but then that’s okay as they are not hostile either. River Ridge mall is a small place but we like it now. Milan is the Indian restaurant here…..my colleagues here hate its food, but strange as we are, my wife and I like the food here better than Taaza (60 miles away in Roanoke) which my friends relish.

River Ridge Mall is the only proper mall in the city. It has stores like JC Penny, Sears, Macy’s, Aeropostle, Belk and some eateries like Sbarro (it’s the worst Sbarro I’ve ever been to), Fuji Japan (Chicken Teriyaki is not the best, but find it tolerable), Chik-fill-a, Subway…and some other non-descript ones.

There is another place that is sort of a strip mall and has Ross, Kohl’s, Old Navy, Target etc. near to each other. There is also a Kmart which people use more for driving practice for new learners :)

Lynchburg is approachable by US 29. There are some good man-made and natural spots like Natural Bridge, Smith Mountain Lake, wintergreen, Virginia Safari etc., but I haven’t been to any of these.

Wal-Mart is the life line as far as I am concerned. It’s a Supercenter and so open 24 hrs. Sam’s club is just nearby. Most of our groceries and house hold items come from here. There is also couple of Kroger’s and Food Lion stores, but I like Wal-Mart better.

I compare it to Porbandar as it is smaller compared to the known cities. It is beautiful and not too crowded.

The place we stay – Walden Pond Apartments - is a big neighborhood of apartment. There must be more than 500 apartments. Almost all desis stay here…more than 100 for sure. It has a swimming pool, a Tennis court and a small Gym with many machines not working. :)

After Kashti’s arrival, we are enjoying this place. We love to take her out and are not worried as there is not too much of a crowd. Hope we have a nice long happy stay here :)

Confused..how to make Kashti sleep?!

Saturday morning……I and my wife decide to go to the mall, so as that we can just window shop and generally take our 5 month old out. In Lynchburg it rains at will and you never can predict it, so taking out our daughter (Kashti) can never be planned. But last Saturday the weather was good and we decided to go.

We fed Kashti her regular portion of rice cereal and formula and then left……Macy’s first. Wanted to but a bullet mixie and I saw a deal that there was one available for $20 (half the original price). We found what we were looking for, Kashti started getting upset…probably because we were not moving her stroller enough….so we started moving fast. We thought she might have become hungry, so made 3 ounce formula which she drank peacefully, but still she didn’t want to be in the stroller. We kept moving in the mall fast so that she can sleep…but in vain. I put her on my shoulder so that she can sleep, but she won’t…she would just keep looking around. So after 1 hr we decided to go back home.

 On reaching home, we decided that we need to teach Kashti to sleep on her own. Kruti called up Sunilamasi to ask what they did for their 8 month old grand-daughter. She said that their son-in-law made it a point that their daughter slept in her crib, who cried for an hour before dozing off.

We thought of trying that. We put Kashti on the bed when she felt sleepy, put 2 pillows around her and then left the room. She started crying…and kept crying…crying…for about 20 minutes and then we couldn’t pretend ignorance. Kruti was almost in tears. So I asked her to go inside and be with Kashti. After some time Kashti slept. So we now decided that we will NOT make Kashti sleep on our shoulders…so 1 of us will lie beside her till she sleeps. Its been 2 days and we seem to be on track. Kashti still cries for 5 – 25 minutes and then sleeps.

 We are doing this mainly so that she learns to sleep by her own. We will be going to Atlanta this month end and really do not want her to suffer during the 8 hr drive. Next step will be to put her to sleep in a car seat while at home…lets see how it goes. Hopefully she enjoys in the car, that way we can go and show her so many places.

Make a new beginning man!

Once again...I get inspired by someone (this time Pranav) to be regular at blogging. Once again I hope I continue doing it.... :)
Its been a few anxious/happy/topsy-turvy days these last few ones....I am more and more confused within myself. Confused for what/ I don't know completely. Its been like that for sometime now. I look for reasons to get worried even when there are none. Some times its my nature, sometimes career, sometimes weight and sometimes its what a person MIGHT be thinking about me. All these keep me so occupied and at such times I forget to enjoy and play with my kid.

Today I decided to note down my strengths and weaknesses so that I can prove to myself that I am worth it...every pound of myself :). as is my nature, let me begin with the Negatives:

1. Obesity
2. Short Temper
3. Worrisome nature
4. Procrastination
5. Thinking too much about things that are not under my control

Positives:
1. Family
2. A wonderful, cute and the most beautful doll in Kashti
3. A wonderful and 100% supportive wife
4. Well to do
5. Good work to do
6. Helpful nature

Of the negatives, Worrisome Nature, Procrastination and thinking @ what others are thinking @ me - these 3 are a direct reulst of obesity I feel. I accept people irrespective of their outer appearance or caste/creed etc...so why should I thikn others won't do the same? Probably I think too much and then keep getting confused.
The more I remain negative the more negative things happen....or at least thats what I percieve. This has been a very old problem of mine...Papa-Mummy, Pranav, Manish, Kanumama, Motabhai, Meenal everyone has tried and lately its Kruti. But then I get normal for a few days and again something starts moving in my mind and its to square one. Its probably I, MYSELF who has to work on getting better..others can help but cant do it for me...

Lets see how things go...I am going to the gym regularly and exercising...this back pain that I hae had for more than a week now is preventing me from doing rigoros workout...I really hope the pain vanishes and I can workout more severely....Amen!

My first mail

My dear doll Kashti,

This is your Papa's first letter (email) to you. These days letter writing has become almost extinct. Though I maintain that letters are the best way to convey..they are fun reading..and gives a sense of nearness.
I would admit I have started writing this after reading an article in rediff.com today about the letters Nehru and Obama wrote to their daughters. It is such a novel idea....the different is that they wrote to their grown up kids while I am writing to you when you are still just 18 days in age :)

Beta, you have brought such joy to our world. No money, no job, no vacation, no person would have made us feel so complete...but you. Cliché it may be, but you are the apple of our eyes. your mother has undergone immense pain to bring you into this world. She kept you and nurtured you in her womb for 9 months..she got drained but never let you go hungry or uncomfortable.

We dreamt about you right from the day we got married. We always wanted a baby girl and God gave us one...that too such cute one. We want to give you the best beta...the best in the world. I promise that we will try our best to do that.

You know the happiness I feel by just holding you in my arms...you are so little...you may not understand this but  just by holding you in my arms all my fears, tensions, anger, everything melts away...you bring serenity to my life...I sometimes want you to grow up fast so that I can play with you...and then again I wish you do not grow up so fast so that I can play more :) I know I sound stupid..but that's how ur Papa is.

you know I sometimes think of the time when you will get married and feel sad that after 25 years or so you will leave us....hehehehe...but why think of that...you are still with us for a loooong time..we want to enjoy our time with you. We want you to imbibe the best of values so that you can be happy and spread happiness all around.

I love you Kashti beta..more than anything in the whole wide world....God bless you. See you in the afternoon :)))

Lots of love,
Papa

Time with Kashti

Its been a great 1 week. Time zoomed past. Never realised when Kashti was born and in my hands...it seemed all like a miracle. I think of her all the time now. Whatever I do I see her cute little face. I've no problems keeping awake for her, but the sweet little girl allows me to sleep enough. she is a darling....the most beautiful kid in the world.

She is so quiet. She gets a bit restless when she is hungry..once fed she is fine and mostly sleeps or just stares at things in the room. she enjoys light and attracted towards it....keeps staring at any light. Its great to see her calm specially since Kruti is still recovering from the C-section surgery.

Yesterday Thompy-sheeja, Devan-Bharvi-Harsh-Nand, Mohti-Jinal had come home and Kashti was extremely calm. Everyone took her in their arms and played with her.

I enjoy taking her in my arms....I do not like to leave her on the bed or crib. I feel like holding her forever. When I put her at my shoulder, she folds her legs up like a monkey on a tree...thats so cute.

I just want t give her the best in life and all the good things she wants. God bless her with all the health and wisdom.

Kashti....MY baby...

Finally...finally..after all this wait last Sunday, I became a very very proud father of Kashti. Frankly I was numb when she was born and the nurse and the baby crew showed her to me..I was like..I dont know what to say or react...then they took her to nursery and and standing at the window of the nursery watching her being checked by the nurse...sent in thoughts into me....I was like "She is MY daughter"...everybody was praising her silky air and her eyes and how gorgeous she was...but for me it was just..she is our daughter. Kruti and I had waited so much for thsi day...

Kashti Kashyap Shah....when I wrote that for the first time on a form my hands wereshivering ..I was checking again and again the name..it looked so different...so new...a dream come true.

These were the stats when she was born:

Place: Birth Center - Virginia Baptist Hospital, Lynchburg VA

Date: 28th Dec 2008

Time: 22:16 hrs EST

Weight: 7lb 4oz / 3.3 kgs

Length: 20 inches

We brought Kashti and Kruti home from the hospital on 12/31/08..the new year's eve and the new year is really going to be extra special for us. I can't wait to play with her....take her to different places...treat her like a princess and give her the best in everything....God bless her and thank GOD for giving this angel to us.

[caption id="attachment_44" align="alignnone" width="470" caption="Kashti after being brought home for the 1st time"][/caption]